And I mean, easy. Like, amoebic dysentery easy.Saying something is awful beyond belief is so much easier than explaining why you love something and want to have its babies: so let's get the ball rolling with The happenning.
And before you flinch, I *realise* that everyone on the web hates it, and M. Night whateverhisnameis. Thanks for catching up, I have *always* thought that this man is beyond untalented, and that his moronic audience deserve him and should fall off the planet. Though I hate to jump on a hate bandwagon (could that be a double negative), I feel that I am one of the drivers of it, nay one of the ones that built the wheels.
And I am certainly not gonna resort to feeble attempts to stand out from the crowd, by accusing those who hate him and his movies of racism
I mean, come on. Sure it's childish to call him "M Knight Shalamalamadingdong" but he stamps his name all over everything - people are bound to pick up on it. There may be a subtle subliminal racism in an english speaker that makes one resent pronouncing 5 syllables... but lets not get stupid here.
Which brings me to his stupid movie. Pardon my french, his stupid fucking movie.
And it is mindbogglingly stupid, to the degree that the above guardian review strikes me as determined to like it just to stand out (the racism quip confirms this) - I cannot see *any* redeeming features about this movie, I mean okay it's about mass suicide so it's not You've got mail or Sweet home Alabama but seriously...
Now, I expected a typical M Night Shyamalan turd, I really did. Wouldn't have touched it with an eleven mile long barge pole. But an incidental conversation with a close friend whose taste in movies I really respect made me curious (thank you Damo). So I took a peek.
Jesus it's bad. I honestly don't know where to start. Perhaps the fact that *all* the decent 'shock scenes' are in the damn trailer, so you know what's gonna happen as soon as a face appears. That really takes the fizz out of this flat little bottle of Cola.
But really, I cannot understand how a movie about mass suicide can be so boring all the way through. I have an entire collection of DVDs featuring movies where the population of the world is being wiped out. I find them relaxing. I hate you all ;-)
Now, I expected a typical M Night Shyamalan turd, I really did. Wouldn't have touched it with an eleven mile long barge pole. But an incidental conversation with a close friend whose taste in movies I really respect made me curious (thank you Damo). So I took a peek.
Jesus it's bad. I honestly don't know where to start. Perhaps the fact that *all* the decent 'shock scenes' are in the damn trailer, so you know what's gonna happen as soon as a face appears. That really takes the fizz out of this flat little bottle of Cola.
But really, I cannot understand how a movie about mass suicide can be so boring all the way through. I have an entire collection of DVDs featuring movies where the population of the world is being wiped out. I find them relaxing. I hate you all ;-)
If *anything* this should be the one of his movies that I give a pass to, especially as it doesn't have a twist ending. (oh, did that spoil the ending for you? LOL) I mean, I will find something to like about any movie that contains mass population reduction. Call me odd, but it's true.
Poor, poor acting, RUBBISH script... some of the most flat-out hilarious dialogue ever... and I have to say, the funniest "evacuation of New York" that's ever been put to film.
Want to get out of NYC during a suspected terrorist gas attack? Take the train! Hell, the station's so empty you can hear your mate shout you as soon as you come in, and there's not even anyone standing once you get on the train... which conveniently stops once you're in "low budget rural shooting area" - allowing all the passengers to drive away in cars that mysteriously appear, thus cutting the extra budget, too.
I mean, it's flat-out hilarious. At a point where all the characters are still in cellphone contact with their various loved ones, the train stops. Nobody asks the crew of the train what's going on except marky mark. The crew reply "we've lost touch". When marky mark scrunches up his chipmunk face in an attempt at puzzlement they say "...with *everyone*"
Yet the TV is still working and everyone is still using cellphones.
So everyone goes to the abandoned rural trains station for a chat. When they all decide to clear the fuck out of there... the entire train population mysteriously *has cars* - except for marky mark and co! 300 people, and nobody goes "hey, where did all the cars come from? I thought this was a rural backwater?"
Apparently the tickets though, are as hard to get as "cabbage patch dolls" - in a great and up-to-date piece of dialogue. Ooh! Tough evacuation.
I have no idea why I'm picking on this as a lack of realism, seeing as it's a movie where people escape *poisonous gases* by closing the door.
And where the army (who appear to have been too expensive to show in the movie) don't wear gas masks during a suspected terrorist gas attack.
There are even characters in it that have no role, nothing to say, and no place in the plot... but speak constantly anyway, and do boring stuff. It is truly the only "uncanny" thing in the entire movie: Why is everyone doing stuff? Why does the script make no sense? Why am I so bored?
So: you've been warned. The only thing "eerie" about this movie is that it got made.
Do something more constructive with your time, like shit in your had and rub it in your hair: more entertaining too. Stinks less.
one and a half call-round-the-directors-house-and-murder-hims.
Poor, poor acting, RUBBISH script... some of the most flat-out hilarious dialogue ever... and I have to say, the funniest "evacuation of New York" that's ever been put to film.
Want to get out of NYC during a suspected terrorist gas attack? Take the train! Hell, the station's so empty you can hear your mate shout you as soon as you come in, and there's not even anyone standing once you get on the train... which conveniently stops once you're in "low budget rural shooting area" - allowing all the passengers to drive away in cars that mysteriously appear, thus cutting the extra budget, too.
I mean, it's flat-out hilarious. At a point where all the characters are still in cellphone contact with their various loved ones, the train stops. Nobody asks the crew of the train what's going on except marky mark. The crew reply "we've lost touch". When marky mark scrunches up his chipmunk face in an attempt at puzzlement they say "...with *everyone*"
Yet the TV is still working and everyone is still using cellphones.
So everyone goes to the abandoned rural trains station for a chat. When they all decide to clear the fuck out of there... the entire train population mysteriously *has cars* - except for marky mark and co! 300 people, and nobody goes "hey, where did all the cars come from? I thought this was a rural backwater?"
Apparently the tickets though, are as hard to get as "cabbage patch dolls" - in a great and up-to-date piece of dialogue. Ooh! Tough evacuation.
I have no idea why I'm picking on this as a lack of realism, seeing as it's a movie where people escape *poisonous gases* by closing the door.
And where the army (who appear to have been too expensive to show in the movie) don't wear gas masks during a suspected terrorist gas attack.
There are even characters in it that have no role, nothing to say, and no place in the plot... but speak constantly anyway, and do boring stuff. It is truly the only "uncanny" thing in the entire movie: Why is everyone doing stuff? Why does the script make no sense? Why am I so bored?
So: you've been warned. The only thing "eerie" about this movie is that it got made.
Do something more constructive with your time, like shit in your had and rub it in your hair: more entertaining too. Stinks less.
one and a half call-round-the-directors-house-and-murder-hims.
1 comment:
I am of the humble opinion that M. Night Shamalamadingdong's movies suck.
Signs is a stutter step away from that shitbag Will Smith film Independence Day.
I can not possibly give that trouser-stain another minute of my life.
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